Jurassic World: The Fallen Franchise

Franchises, they're unpredictable. Some are like old friends who bring back fond memories of good times, while others are like that out-of-work cousin who's bunked on your living room couch, eaten all your Funyuns and overstayed their welcome. In the case of Jurassic World: The Fallen Kingdom, I submit it's time for this particular franchise to hit the road. As a big fan of the classic 1993 original, I tend to view its sequels through nostalgic spectacles. Maybe it's because it landed smack-dab in the roaring nineties, maybe it's because I've always loved dinos, or maybe it's cuz my heart skips a beat every time I hear the soaring strains of John Williams' iconic score. Whatever the reason, I always hope for the same thrill ride as when I visited Isle Nublar so many years ago. Unfortunately, the ride is quickly losing its charm. So without further ado, let's jump into this one, shall we?


SPOILERS AND VAGUELY FAMILIAR PLOTS AHEAD!


I'm no doctor, but I am a screenwriter so I know the symptoms of an ailing script when I see it. The symptoms reared its ugly head almost from the first moments of the film when we return to the lagoon of Isla Nublar to extract the DNA from the remains of the Indominus Rex. After the typical cat-and-mouse scene between dino and human, resulting in one less human and more questions than answers, we're introduced to the plot of this flick: Isla Nublar's volcano has awoken, spewing volcanic ash into the air and threatening to destroy the dinos roaming free.


World governments conclude it's too risky (expensive) to try to save these beasts, who shouldn't even be alive in the first place. Enter Claire, the plucky, determined and surprisingly NOT incarcerated heroine, who takes it upon herself to save every last dinosaur from a fiery death. Speaking of deaths, how is Claire not rotting in prison after being responsible for the deaths of hundreds at Jurrasic World?! This is only one of many inexcusable T-Rex-sized plot holes that this movie forces us to follow it through. Before long, she hunts down Chris Pratt, who's just trying to build a nice cabin in the woods and stay out of trouble. After a bit of some convincing from an aging billionaire who sends them on a rescue mission I could almost hear failing from the middle row of the theater, the duo finds themselves on the self-destructing island. Pitted against a raging volcano and a militant team of trackers, Pratt and Co race against all odds to stop a self-serving “businessman” from plunging the dinos into a fate worse than extinction.

I could go on, but I won't waste your time. Basically, if you've seen  The Lost World: Jurrasic Park, you've seen this movie. The plot is almost beat-for-beat identical and the characters are lesser incarnations of their previous selves. The concept of dinosaurs as military weapons comes across like a seven-year-olds fantasy. ("I wanna ride a T-Rex with rocket launchers on it! Yeeaah!") It's like writer Colin Trevorrow read the Dinotopia book series growing up, and he really wanted to make a movie about it. I feel bad for Chris Pratt. Like most of the actors, he's woefully underutilized and more or less lost in his role.

Pratt spends most of the film with a rather pained expression on his face, no doubt due to the dawning realization he'd been duped by producers who must have pitched him an entirely different script. The climax is ambling, bloated and frankly unfulfilling.  Rarely was I invested in the character's safety or their mission. The CGI behemoths emoted better than their live-action counterparts and the only character I truly rooted for was Blue, proving once again that she's a truly clever girl! The last ten minutes offers a glimpse of a potential (or perhaps inevitable) sequel that in the hands of a skilled writer may turn out to be more robust than this film, but only time will tell.

My diagnosis: Jurassic World: The Fallen Kingdom is the product of a fatigued franchise suffering from Rian Johnson syndrome: entertaining, but void of intelligent writing and ignorant of the far superior original that spawned it. Despite my grumbling, The Fallen Kingdom is not an unwatchable film - there are enough nods to its classic namesake that will appeal to those of us old enough to remember it. It's a film worth seeing if you're looking for cheap entertainment and a way to kill time while waiting for the next Mission Impossible.   

Hammond, after careful consideration, I've decided not to endorse your park.

Cinema Score: C-