What I've Learned - The Christmas Edition



  • Tinsel is not your friend. 
  • I don't care what they say, there's not a whole heckuva lot of peace on earth during the Christmas rush. 
  • Department stores keep putting up decorations earlier each year. Pretty soon, they'll never take them down. We'll have Halloween masks hanging next to stockings and sleigh bells. We'll have to combine holidays: Hallothanksgristmas. 
  • I'm definitely copyrighting Hallothanksgristmas. 
  • Snowmen never look as good as they do on TV. 
  • Waiting until the last minute to shop for gifts is a little like jumping off a train that's already gone over the cliff. It's not gonna be pretty. 
  • Hot Cocoa somehow tastes better on Christmas.
  • I make a mean Christmas Wassail. 
  • I'm pretty sure when they say "have a cup of cheer," they mean Jack Daniels. 
  • It doesn't matter how carefully you store Christmas lights, they will never work right the next year.
  • You can never have too much eggnog.  
  • If I have to hear that damned "Hippopotamus for Christmas" song one more time, I'm gonna deck someone's halls!   
  • There's nothing that brings back fond Christmas memories quite like the scent of fresh cut pine.
  • Gingerbread. That stuff is like Yuletide crack. 
  • Christmas in California isn't like Christmas anywhere else. Sometimes you get a heatwave when you want a white Christmas. Somehow, 85 degrees doesn't really scream "winter wonderland."
  • I think someone who doesn't like Christmas carols has some soul searching to do. Likewise, I think someone who likes Christmas carols in July needs a therapist. 
  • Don't bother decorating the back of the tree, they're never going to see it anyway. 
  • I will always go overboard with Christmas decorations, it's a tradition.
  • Speaking of traditions, our great-great-grandkids will be watching A Charlie Brown Christmas. And It's A Wonderful Life, that one's never going away. 
  • If it isn't already, Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker should be the official soundtrack of Christmas.
  • Call me immature, but the word nutcracker always makes me chuckle (and wince a little). 
  • If you let them know you're good a wrapping presents, you'll always be the one to do it. Best to feign incompetence, that's what gift bags are for! 
  • You can't wrap everything. Accept defeat gracefully and just slap a bow on that sucker. 
  • As an adult, I sleep in on Christmas morning. Once I have kids I'm sure that will be a fond memory.  
  • I still want toys for Christmas, the only difference is the toys I want cost a hell of a lot more now. 
  • I'm probably permanently on Santa's Naughty List.
  • Some people need to relax, wishing someone a "Merry Christmas" is not a crime. Yet.
  • The upside-down "holiday tree" is the most asinine invention since the pet rock. 
  • If you think your Christmas is rough, imagine being the angel on top the tree!     

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